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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

EU to launch new constitution in space!

Facing uncertain prospects on Earth, the European Union constitution is being launched into space. Struggling to raise public interest in the historic document, EU leaders said Friday that European astronauts will bring the charter along when they blast off toward the International Space Station on April 15 from Baikonour, Kazakhstan.

Too bad our Founding Fathers lacked such means of persuasion — they had to make do with letters to the editor explaining the features and safeguards of the proposed Constitution…imagine! How much easier the Federalists’ job would have been if only Ben Franklin had spent his time building rockets instead of flying kites and chasing after Parisian ladies.

“It will undergo full testing before it can be flown,” EU Industry Commissioner Guenter Verheugen told reporters at the opening of an EU space exhibit. “You can be sure it will come back.”

Does this mean they plan to man-rate their Constitution?

If and when the thing ever gets implemented, the citizens of Greater France EUrope may come to wish the document had made its return flight aboard a Progress.

French astronaut Michel Tognini accepted a bound copy of the document as well as the EU’s 12 gold-star flag.

“We have to be sure that we don’t destroy your treaty,” he said, jokingly.

Yes, yes, we wouldn’t want that now, would we (he asked, ironically)?

Seriously, though, just think about that for a moment — the EU is sending with its astronaut a bound copy of a very large document (the proposed EU constitution is not a three-page outline like ours), which one would assume (since no indication is given otherwise) that it is on conventional paper. Does this strike anyone else as a bad idea?

Officials at EU headquarters hoped the publicity stunt would help sell the document, which faces ratification in all of the EU’s 25 member states.

See, now, this illustrates a subtle difference between the US and EUrope — when our government uses its space program for a silly publicity stunt, it’s to pay for something already sold, rather than to sell something to the reluctant masses:

An EU survey released last month showed nine out of 10 EU citizens know little or nothing about the treaty that is expected to become the cornerstone of their political life.

Surely, launching it into space will help improve those numbers — no need to actually ‘splain it to the proles, eh?

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